Funny jokes

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Santa Radio lekar khet me potti karne gaya.

Banta:Aaj to maje se ki hogi?
Santa:Khak maje se ki, radio pe Jan-Gan-Man 

aa gaya. Khade khade kani padi.

 Ekbar ek sharabi ja raha tha achanak
 kichchad me gir gaya itneme bijli chamki
 sharabi bola he bhagwan ek to kichchad
 me gira diya aur photo bhi khinch liya.

1 Sardar library me 3 Ghante 1 Book padhne k Baad bola
SO BORING itne sare characters but no story.
Librarian-Sardar Ji, wo TELEPHONE DIARY thi.

Ek Sardar apne Marriage Certificate ko ek 

ghante se dekh raha tha.Biwi boli:tussi inni 

der se ki dekh rahe ho?
Sardar:Expiry Date dhoondh raha hu.

T.V. chalu karo aur news dekho katrina 

hospitaliesed hai kyonki usne mujhe propose

 kiya aur maine use sadi se mana kardiya to 

us pagli ne apne hath ki nas kat li.

100 ladkiyo ne suicide kar liya aur 30 ne 

apne nas kat li aur 10 ladkiya behose ho 

gayi kyonki kisi kamine ne meri sadi kijhoti 

khabar faela di thi.

One day RAVAN went to disco... aur 

woh behosh ho gaya, due to shock.....!
why.....?? " Coz the entry fee was 

Rs. 1500 per HEAD...!!!

Har Khushi Teri Taraf Mod Doo

Tere Liye Chand Tare Tak Tod Doo
Khushiyon Ke Darwaje Tere Liye Khol Doon,
Itna Kaafi Hai ya Do Chaar Jhoot Aur Bol Doo

Munna bhai: "Circuit, agar bus pe tu chade
 ya fir tujpe bs chadJaye 2 kya hoga"!!
Circuit: "bole 2 bhai,dono baar ticket apani hi kategi."

Maa-Nalayak Kaha Thi Itni Raat Tak?
Beti-Boyfriend Ke Saath,
Maa-Kar Aayi Na Muh Kala,
Beti-Toh Kya Hua Maa Fair & Lovely Hai Na. . .

pehle wo meri GF thi
Me bolta tha wo suni thi
phir wo meri mangetar bani,
Wo bolti thi main sunta tha
jab wo meri BIWI bani Hum dono bolte he
Mohalla sunta hai.

vo bhi kya din the jab 19-20 sal ki
 ladkiya hum ko roz kiss kar ti thi
lakin tab hamri kismat phuti thi ki
hamari umar 2-3 sal ki thi.

Girlfriend ne kiya kiss aur jal gye mere Lips.
Girlfriend ne kiya kiss or jal gye mere Lips.
Kyuki Vo kha kar ayi thi INDIAN
"BINGO RED CHILLY CHIPS".

2 choohe paid pe baithe the,
neeche se 1 hathi guzra,
1 chooha hathi pe ja gira
dosra chooha bola - daba ke rakh saale ko me baata hu.

Doctor to Female : Kya aap delivery
ke time baache ke pita koapne paas
dekhna chahenge?
Female : Nahi, unhe mere pati pasand nahi karte!!!

Ek baar ek terrorist ne ek budhiya ke ghar me bomb rakh diya.
Log chillaye – Budhiya bomb hai, Budhiya bomb hai.
Budhiya sarmakar boli : Dhatt teri, wo to mein jawani me thi!!!

Husband : Jab mein aache clothes pehenkar bazaar jata hu to sabziwale
sabzi mehngi dete hai. Jab gande kapde pehenkar jata hu to saste.
Wife : Tum katora lekar jaya karo na, free me hi sabzi mil jayegi!

Santa to Autodriver : Gurudware Jaoge?
Driver : Haan bilkul jaunga?
Santa ne jeb se polythin nikala aur bola : 

Wapas aana to mereliye langar le aana!

Ek 99 year ka aadmi Swarg ki raunak aur 

sunder apsarao ko dekhke bola : “Ye Baba

 Ramdevv ke chakkar me na pada hota to

 yaha 30 saal pehle aa gaya hota”.

Jeeto: Ek baat batani hai, par please mujhe maroge to nahi.
Santa: Haan bolo.
Jeeto: Mein Pregnant hu.
Santa: It’s a gud News. Ess baat par kyu tumhe maru.
Jeeto: Shadi se pahle pitaji ko bataya to bahut maar padi thi.

Santa got into a bus on 1st April when conductor

 asked for ticket. He gaveRs.10/- and took the 

ticket and said April fool. I have pass.

Santa by mistake goes into a ladies toilet.
All ladies suddenly stand up
Santa : Izzat dil me ho yehi kaafi hai,
Baitho Baitho…:)

Boss: Itne kam kapray pehan k q aai ho?

 Aadha jism dikh raha hai.
Girl: Itni salary mein yehi aata hai!
Boss: Manager, Iss ko 3 months tak salary mat dena

Medical science proved ki
Kapre tight pehnney se Blood 

Circulation ruk jati hai.But
Larkiyon ke kapre jitne tight ho,
Larko ke blood circulation utni tez hoti hai!!

Height Of Embarrasment :
Man Sitting With his Wife in the Park
Another Lady Comes to his Wife and Says:
“Paise Pehly Le lena, ye admi Baad Mai Bahut Lafra Karta Hai.

After legalizing gay’s relations in india
The question tailors are asking to male 

customers while stitching trousers…
“Sir, Zip aage lagau ya peeche?

On first night after marriage

Wife : Mujhe ghabrahat ho rahi hai.
Husband : I thinK because this is your first night.
Wife : No, no.. Actually it is first time in night…

Santa is raping a girl. Girl shouting,
Santa : Chillao yahan se tumhari awaz bahar nahi ja sakti,
Girl : Mujhe yakin nahi aata,
Santa : Theek hai mein yahan chillata hun tum bahar jaake suno aawaz aati hai ya nahi?

Madam to Student : Last Semester you were roaming
with that girl and this semester you are roaming with other.
What you think of yourself?
Boy : Syllabus changed mam.

Banta to Doctor : Doctor Sahab! Mein apna 

dimag daan karna chahta hu.
Doctor : Hoga to hum le lenge

Son to Dad : Papa, Mein itna bada kab hounga

 ki mein mummy se bina puche bahar ja saku?
Papa : Beta abhi itna bada to mein bhi nahi hua!!!